I Can't live with or without you!
by HopelessRomantic1994
Summary: Alot of people have written about what would happen if Natara got married and how Mal would deal with it but what would happen if it was the other way around? hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Cause of Death**_

_**First just wanted to say thank you to Molly (mozzi-girl) thank you for the nice welcome and review you gave I'm really grateful, I read your stories all the time there amazing, you're very talented!**_

_**Anyway I wrote this story because I noticed a lot were about Natara getting married to Oscar and Mal being jealous and I thought what would happen if it were the other way around? So I wrote this story (The Name Mia came from nowhere it was the first name that popped in my head) also this includes the song "with or without you" by U2 this song reminds me of Mal and Natara all rights goes to U2 for the song and I love it! This story is also told from Natara's point of view hope you like it!**_

Mal is getting married, he told me exactly five days ago, I remember because I have never felt my heart ache so much in my life...But he's happy, he's been dating her for six months I told him maybe he should think about whether he was moving too fast, but he just said "when you you know" and he really did seem to love Mia, Mia….Mal's old high school crush he had met her at his high school reunion and they seemed to hit it off straight away, she had also gotten a divorce around the same time as Mal, Mia and her husband spilt for the same reason Mal and Sandra had; her husband had cheated on her, after the reunion they kept meeting up for coffee and dinners talking about old times and about their jobs, Mia is a sports writer for Mal's favourite sports magazine, he introduced us once she had long blonde hair, blue eyes you know real pretty, of course, she had the same charming wit and humour that Mal did, they seemed perfect for each-other, he would sit at my desk while we were trying to do case write-ups telling me non-stop about how amazing she was and he thinks he's found the girl of his dreams, even though the expression on my face said I was happy to listen, inside it was killing me, it took every inch of my strength to hold myself back from saying "please stop talking about her like that, every-time you do it breaks my heart" because there was nothing I could do he had made his choice, he was marrying Mia.

It was three days till the wedding and they were getting ready to fly to New York; that's where the wedding was because all of Mia's family lived there and Mal was dropping me off at home on his last day of work before he left for the wedding we stood in the door way looking at each-other for a while.

**Mal: **"So not long now I'm so happy, I can't wait to get on that plane!"

**Mal smiled at me**

**Mal:**" Your coming aren't you?"

**Natara**:" No sorry I can't I've got so much case write-ups to finish!"

**Mal looked at me with sadness in his eyes. **

**Mal:**" Nat you HAVE to come it's my wedding day I need you there!"

**He put his hand on my shoulder.**

**Natara:**" Mal I can't I'm sorry I wish I could but there's nothing I can do I'm sorry"

**Mal looked down to the floor with disappointment; I took his hand and squeezed it.**

**Natara:**" But…I can make it to the leavers party I promise!"

**I smiled and he smiled back, the leavers party was a party that took place two days after the wedding to send off the bride and groom on their honeymoon it was tradition Mia's family had done for years or so Mal had told me. Mal patted my shoulder and gave out a loud sigh.**

**Mal:**" Okay guess there's nothing you can do but you'd better keep your promise!"

**I laughed **

**Natara:**" I will! I'll be there, now go home and get some rest you've got an early plane to catch in the morning and Mia would go crazy if you were late!"

**I gave a fake smile playfully pushing him out the door; he laughed and smiled at me**.

**Mal:**" Okay…Okay I'm going, I'll see you in a few days remember…keep your promise!"

**He winked and my heart melted as I watched him walk down the hall. **

**Natara:** "I will and Mal …"

**He stopped to turn to look at me with a smile on his face.**

**Natara:**" Congratulations"

**He smiled and walked away, I closed the door and stood with my back leaned against it and slowly slid down its surface and landed on the floor with my knees tucked up to my chest, my fake smile disappeared, I just sat in the dark for ages staring into the nothingness, I could hear the radio playing in the kitchen I figured I must have left it on this morning, suddenly the song **_**With or Without **_**you by U2 came on, I sat in the same position listing to the song as I felt the tears well up in my eyes and my heart tearing in my chest and I just sat there crying thinking of Mal.**

_**Well what do you think of it so far I hope you like if you would like me to carry on this story review or comment and let me know thanks **_

_**HopelessRomantic1994 (Jade)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**As I started to stir from what little sleep I had had last night, I felt numb my eyes stingingly sore from all I crying I had done, I just sat there wrapped in my duvet head down I started to think to myself,**_**what the hell is wrong with me I'm an FBI agent for god's sake I should be as hard as a rock never letting my emotions control me, but I'm also a women who's had her heart broken and trying to deal with the pain,**_** I looked out the window to see the sun was shining and I found it patronizing how the weather was the complete opposite it my mood, from the corner of my eye I noticed my cell phone flashing with two voicemails reluctantly I picked up the phone and listened to the first message:**

"Hi Natara, its Amy just wondered why you're so late for work"- **I looked at the clock next to my bed it stated it was 11:45am! I never sleep that late I guess I hadn't realised just how much sleep I lost last night I continued to listen as the message went on. **"Captain Yeong has been asking where you are so I told her you were ill I figured you wouldn't but off work unless it was something real important the Captain says to come back when you're well enough, hehe hope your back soon and remember you own me for saving your butt hope you're okay call me when you can bye!" **I felt myself smile as I listened to the message it was probably the first time I'd smiled in days Amy was such a good friend taking the wrap for me so I wouldn't get in trouble with the Captain and I made a mental note that I did indeed own Amy one, the next time I saw her, I heard my phone beep as it began to play the next message as I listened to it my heart sank and my smile disappeared. **"Hey Nat! It's Mal, Can you believe todays the big day? its crazy how quick it's come around, I think I'm the happiest guy in the world, I'm still sad about the fact I won't have you there with me but you said you were coming to the leavers party and I'm still holding you to that promise and at 8:00pm I'll be a married man again…god I never thought I'd ever say that again but anyway hope you're doing okay at the precinct without me I'll see you soon wish me luck bye!" **The phone call cut itself off and I just sat sawing at my phone I felt so much anger and jealously and in a fit of rage I threw the phone at my wall and it landed on the floor in pieces, I sat breathing heavily trying to fit back tears, then I threw myself out of bed quickly getting dressed and grabbing my purse I ran out the door, as I got into a taxi I noticed the clock stating it was now 12:00pm I quickly started doing the maths in my head**_** it's now 12 and the wedding started at 8, it takes approximately six hours to get from San Francisco to New York so that would give me six hours to get there and 2 hours to find Mal I would be hard but possible I willing to do everything I could to get to him in time I know Mal always said follow your gut but I was following my heart.**_

**Once I got on plane I sat anxious tapping my feet and I couldn't keep my breathing steady, I looked out the window staring at the clouds below thinking about what to say to Mal when I finally reached him, when something caught my ears there was a teenaged girl sat behind me with her iPod loudly playing I could hear the song it was **_**With or Without you**_** by U2 I instantly stared to think about Mal after that I fell asleep to be rudely awakened by screaming kids as the overhead speak told us to fasten our seatbelts as we would be landing shortly in New York I couldn't believe I had slept the entire flight but the moment was finally hear all I had to do now was find Mal…. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi sorry the last chapter was short, in fact this whole story isn't as long as I thought it was going to be, but I hope you still like it all the same!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cause of Death or Midtown Loft & Terrace which is actually a real wedding venue in New York!**

**Hope you enjoy the story and please comment or review please I'd really like people to tell me what they think thanks again! **

**Jade **

**As I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, I tried so hard to the venue where the wedding was being held **_**Midtown Loft & Terrace**_**, I searched desperately to find the sign pointing me in the right direction**, **my eyes darting all over the place scanning the area in front of me when finally I came to the door of the building I had been searching for; I stopped dead in my tracks staring at the door for a few seconds as I quickly glanced down at my watch stating that the time was now 7:45pm I had exactly fifteen minutes left before I was too late, I took a final deep, heavy breath building up the courage to go inside, I walked up to the front desk and spoke to the women stood behind it.**

**Natara:**" Excuse me, could you tell me where the Thomson, Fallon wedding is being held please?"

**Women:**" Of course ma'am are you with the bride or groom?"

_**Groom**_** that word tugged at my heart making me feel sick to my stomach but I managed to take a breathe and collect myself.**

**Natara:**" Groom." **I answered with a fake cheesy smile on my face.**

**Women:**" Okay just give my one second while I check the computer…AH! Here it is… that wedding is being held on the roof top garden-"

**Before she could even look back up from the computer screen I bolted straight for the elevator pressing the button for the roof I waited anxiously before finally reaching the very top, I ran without a thought straight for the door indicating that that was where the groom's dressing room was, as I pressed my ear to the door I could hear Mal talking to himself telling himself to keep calm I slowly creaked the door open and stood in the door way, waiting fidget with his tux complaining about itchy I was.**

**Natara:**" You know for someone who doesn't like wearing them, you look pretty good in a tux!

**Mal turned in the surprise of hearing my voice the smile on his face was priceless he ran hugging me lifting me up in the air, I couldn't help but let out a loud giggle; he quickly put me down hugging me so tightly I could barely breathe! **

**Mal:**" What are you doing here I thought you couldn't make it? I'm so happy to see you!

**His face was beaming with pure happiness then it hit me the reason I had come here in the first place, no more imaging it in my head this was reality and I had to say what I had come here to say there was no turning back now! I led Mal over to a couch in the dressing room I took his hands and took a deep breath to steady myself.**

**Natara:**" Mal there's something I have to tell you, I'm not sure how to say it but I just going to say it regardless, don't marry Mia."

**Mal's smile disappeared and I could feel my hands shaking as they were wrapped about his, he looked at me confused and speechless then he took a breath and looked into my eyes.**

**Mal:**" Wh-what? Why?"

**Natara: **" Because-because I-I love you, I have since I day I met you and everyday seeing you with her has killed me, I know I shouldn't have waiting till now to tell you but I'm here and I'm saying it now I love you , please don't marry Mia and I know for a fact that she could never love you as much as I do right now, Mal-Mal please say something!"

**Mal quickly let go of my hands and looked stunned as if I had told him the worst possible thing in the world I see in his eyes he almost looked sad I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and realised this was biggest mistake I could have ever made I mean what was I thinking coming here and**

**ruining his wedding day expecting him to dropping everything and say I love you too lets run away to together in the sunset real life didn't work like that and it was time I accepted that.**

**Natara:**" You know what Mal it was mistake to come here like this, you obviously don't feel the same and I'm sorry I came all the way here and put you in this position it's unfair and stupid of me I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking I'm- I'm going to go, I hope you and Mia are very happy together because you only deserve the best Mal, you deserve to be happy and clearly Mia makes you happy good luck Mal.

**I felt my heart collapse, tears streaming down my face as I ran out the door to left I heard Mal call my name in the distance behind but I carried on walking, I couldn't breathe when I finally got out the building I felt like I was having a panic attack, I steadied myself against a wall and managed to get my breathing back under control and then I went to find a hotel to the night so I could fly back to San Francisco tomorrow morning as I lay on the couch in the hotel room, I sat staring at the night sky watching all the stars twinkling when suddenly heard a knock on the door and opened it and was shock at what I saw. **

**Natara:**" Mal…What are you doing here?"

**He didn't speak he just walked in and sat on the couch I closed the door and walked over look down at him waiting for him to answer.**

**Mal:**" I didn't get married..."

**I was stood shocked and speechless as he started into my eyes I could see just by expression on his face he was broken. **

**Natara:**" Wow..that's…erm..erm"

**Mal:**" Yeah...You know you had no right to tell me you loved me!"

**I froze and I felt my blood boil slightly.**

**Natara:** "Excuse me?"

**Mal stood I could hear the slight anger mixed with confusion in his voice.**

**Mal:**" I was perfectly happy, you know I was getting married to Mia everything was fine I was finally getting over you-"

**I quickly cut him off and shouted back.**

**Natara:**" Wait what? What for you mean getting over me? Did you have feelings for me?"

**Mal took a breath and looked at me with no emotion whatsoever he almost look defeated. **

**Mal:**" Does it really matter?"

**Natara:**" Yes Mal it does, you've come around here telling me that I have no right telling you that I love you like I've done something terrible and wrong but you had feelings for me too, Wait! If you were getting over me then why didn't you marry Mia? why you are here instead?"

**Mal looked at me this time his expression was softer.**

**Mal:**" Because I do still love you, I guess I never stopped , I wanted to tell you how I felt but it was complicated, after everything that happened with Shawn you said you never wanted to be with co-worker like that again and every time I did try to tell you something always got in the way, then I finally realised maybe it was for the best that I never told you because I never thought you'd ever feel the same and I did really care for Mia and figured yeah she was second best even though I know how horrible that sounds but I figured on some level that if I married her it would make it easier to get over you and move on and be happy.

**I stood there stunned, speechless a single tear ran down my face then Mal grabbed me and kissed me passionately closing my close it was only for a few short seconds but I was the best kiss I've ever had in my life, he pulled away and stood a few steps away from me I stood touching my lips overwhelmed with love and happiness I walked up to him slowly looked deep into his eyes, I ran my hands though his hair and leaned in to kiss him, as our lips brushed, he pulled me closer I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed tightly never wanting to let him go, pulled away and stared kissing my neck I couldn't help but breathe heavily pulling him even closer, he whispered in my ear and my knees went weak. **

**Mal:**" I love you Nat"

**Natara:**" I love you too"

**He picked me up and wrapped his arms around me, still kissing me he laid me on the bed still holding me close and I never wanted him to let go because at that moment I knew I was truly in love.**

**The end. **


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